Dear Jason,
My marriage sucks!!! I’ve been married to my husband for twelve years and ten of them have been miserable. All he does is work and when he comes home he flops in his ratty chair and watches five hours of TV. We don’t fight, there’s no sex, no communication and no love!!! I’ve tried so many times to get him to go to marriage counseling and he won’t do it!!! We have three children together and the only reason I’m sticking it out is for their sake. You’re the so called expert, what do you say?!
ANSWER
That was a lot of exclamations!!! Your anger comes through with complete clarity and if I can tell just by your written word, I can only imagine what you’re like in person. I don’t know what the real issues are in your marriage, but here’s the deal…you are not doing your children any favors by staying together. You’re actually causing them pain and the potential for serious damage. Children are not stupid. You might think they don’t know what’s going on, but they do…even if you think you’re a master of hiding it. They feel the tensions, they hear the silence and they see the looks. As parents you are teaching your children that marriage doesn’t work and that if they do get married someday they will be just as miserable as you.
You’ve been unhappy for way too long. If you are at your wits end with your husband, then it’s time to pick up the phone and call a lawyer. After you hang up with your lawyer call a good family therapist or coach who can help you through this transition. Your lives will be disrupted for a short time, but once the dust settles and you can reclaim your happiness. Only then will you set a good example for your children about how to create the life that works best for them.
