Hi Jason,

I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months. It’s my longest relationship and I think I’m falling for her. We have fooled around a lot but we have not had sex. I can tell she wants to but I’ve been the one holding back for a reason. Ok, here goes. A few years ago I lost my virginity to my college girlfriend. I thought it was great but the next day I found out that she was telling her girlfriends that sex with me was “weird” and that I was “small”. The experience was beyond humiliating and I haven’t been with anyone since.

I want to take the next step with my current girlfriend, but I couldn’t handle it if she was disappointed with my size or my performance (and by the way I measured and I’m almost 5 inches). It feels like an enormous pressure. Should I tell her or would that make it worse?

ANSWER

You’ve seen it a thousand times in movies and TV. A man has just had sex for the first time and he’s lying on his back next to a woman who is out of breath. Both look satisfied as they share a cigarette. That’s a load of crap! It doesn’t happen that way. When guys lose their virginity it is normal for the sex to be awkward and very quick. Sex with this college girlfriend was probably ‘weird’, but ‘weird’ is normal for the first time.

A lot of men have angst over the size and girth of their penis. According to AskMen.com the average size of a penis is between 5 – 5.7 inches long when erect. So while you’re not huge, you’re not small either. If you were starring in the dirty version of Goldilocks, your size would be “just right”.

It’s time to get over that awful experience. It has kept you out of the sheets for too long. You are with a woman right now who wants you. If it makes you feel better, you can let her know that this is only your second time and you’re a bit nervous. You don’t have to have sex it if you don’t want to, but don’t abstain because you’re scared. Don’t worry about the sex being awkward for the first time with your new girlfriend. It probably will be. However, the more you do it the better you’ll get. Practice, practice, practice!