Hi Jason,
I’ve been dating this woman for almost two months now and it’s been really awesome. She’s funny, smart, and beautiful. We have such an amazing time together. She’s so sweet and makes me feel like no other woman has ever made me feel before. The only thing is she’s is a virgin and won’t have sex with anyone until she’s married. I’m a very sexual person and quite frankly I don’t know if I can wait that long. I’m used to having a lot of sex with my girlfriends and this is just plain weird to me.
I don’t see an issue with having sex before marriage if we care about each other. What if I’m wrong about her and we end up dating for a year and then figure out we don’t work together? Then I would have suffered for a year without any sex for no reason. Should I just tell her that I’m not willing to wait if she won’t consider having sex before marriage? I really don’t know what to do.
-Sexually Frustrated in Los Angeles, CA
ANSWER
Is sex important to a healthy relationship? Absolutely! But you’ve only been dating this woman for a short period of time and not having sex for a few months isn’t the worst thing in the world. You’ve been with other women before and had lots of sex. Where are these women now? Apparently sex wasn’t the key ingredient to making a relationship work with you. You said it yourself; she makes you feel like no other woman has ever made you feel before. That sounds pretty special to me and quite rare. So you have to ask yourself whether you’re looking for a life partner or you’re just dating to get your rocks off.
If the answer is ‘yes’ you want to down with someone special then you need to give this relationship more time. Give it at least five or six months to grow. At that point (or sooner) you will have a better idea as to where this relationship is going.
Abstinence is a small price to pay if it means you will have the perfect partner in life. Trust me if she turns out to be the one then when you finally do have sex it will be the most mind-blowing, satisfying sex you’ve ever had in your life. In the meantime since you’re not getting pleasure in the bedroom, you can take control by putting matters into your own hand. Good luck!
