Hi Jason,
I am a white guy living in Manhattan. I’m 33 and have never been married. I’ve been dating this woman for almost a year now. She is African American. I love her and I know she feels the same. I am actually thinking that marriage might be in the picture sometime in the near future, but there is a problem; she won’t tell her family that she’s dating me because I’m white. I come from a very liberal family and am happy to introduce her to my family, but she says her parents wouldn’t understand. I’ve been pushing this for some time now and it’s causing difficulties in our relationship. How do I get her to agree to introduce me to her family?
ANSWER
You’re right for wanting to be introduced to her folks, you don’t just marry the woman; you marry the family as well. However, you’re not getting married next week and pushing the issue is only going to drive a wedge between you and your sweetie. For whatever reason, dating outside her ethnicity is clearly taboo. She probably needs to be 100% sure that you two are meant to be before she will introduce you to her folks.
If you haven’t already, let her know how strongly your feelings are. Tell her you don’t see an end to this relationship and ask her if she feels the same way. If she does, then just for now continue to enjoy the relationship as is and let it grow naturally. If this is leading to marriage she will eventually have to tell her family and introduce you. She’s just not ready to take that chance right now.
