Picture this: Jane is sitting in the park during her lunch break reading a novel. John approaches her and says, “Hey, I read that book. It’s really great!” He continues speaking, but before he finishes another sentence, Jane looks at him with contempt and spits out, “Seriously?! I’m just trying to enjoy my book. I am totally not interested in being hit on by you!” He walks away, deflated, and June wonders to herself, “Why are all men such dogs?”

Unbeknownst to the June, John is the man of her dreams and she has just sent him away with his figurative tail between his legs.

A few minutes later another man named Bob approaches, and he is a real “dog.” He smiles and says smoothly, “Hey cutie, why are you sitting here all alone?” Again, she feels very annoyed and says, “I can’t believe you guys! Why can’t you just leave me alone?!” Well, this silver-tongued dog knows what he’s doing and her protests don’t discourage him in the slightest.

Bob slickly retorts, “I get it. You have men coming up to you all the time trying to get with you. I can respect you being protective. But I’m not like those other guys.” He continues to work his way in, manipulating Jane into believing he is a good guy, when all he really wants is to get her into bed. Eventually, he finds a crack in her armor, and snags the opportunity to get her number. They go out on a date, and Bob woos Jane just as he has done with so many women before. He speaks about a future together. He lets her think their burgeoning relationship is going somewhere. Then, after he claims his prize of bedding her, he disappears and never calls her again. Jane is left feeling angry and frustrated, holding more concrete proof that all men are, in fact, dogs.

With an attitude like Jane’s – one firmly rooted in the belief that all men are “dogs,” – she is doomed to destroy any chance at love with a real nice guy like John, or anyone else who could actually be the man of her dreams. She doesn’t believe in the possibility that a man could want anything more than to take advantage of her, and so she continues to manifest that belief, drawing to her exactly what she does not want.

The fact is, when we have a perspective that is so deeply ingrained in our psyche, we automatically dismiss even the possibility that there may be some truth that is contrary to that belief. Our closed-minded perspectives will limit us to phrases such as, “all men are dogs.” The result is that we end up creating a world which proves our perspectives right. June’s perspective lead her to dismiss John, who happened to be a great catch, and it actually invited the real “dog,” Bob, to enter her life, thus perpetuating the cycle and validating her negative beliefs.

If Jane’s story strikes a chord with you, and you think your perspective on love may be limiting your options, then I invite you to take a closer look at how your beliefs may be eliminating your chances of getting what you truly want. Try the exercise I’ve created for you below:

Exercise: Creating an Empowering Perspective to Bring Love to You

1. First let’s identify your perspective on love and dating. Think about all the dates you’ve been on that didn’t lead anywhere, and write down how you felt about those dates. Think about the terms you used to describe those dates to your girlfriends. Is there one repeated phrase that sums up your experiences? Here are a few familiar refrains to jog your memory:

Did any of those hit home for you? If not, keep digging. If you still can’t come up with one, try answering this question; “What do you most want in a loving relationship?” The perspective you’ve been holding onto that is disempowering you will be the exact opposite of that desire.

2. Now that you’ve identified your perspective, it’s time to flip the switch! Create an empowering phrase along these lines:

3. Write down your new empowering perspective, and put it around the house where you’ll see it all the time – the fridge, the bathroom mirror, on your desk lamp – so it will be reinforced daily.

4. Share your new perspective with your friends and family. Make an effort to permeate your entire life with it so you can invite proof that your new belief is the right one. Remember, your beliefs will become your reality, and once you embrace your new viewpoint, you’ll be shocked at how quickly love will find you.