Sitting here, in the park, with my wife on this beautiful day, I think to myself, “Man, I got it good!” And what is the source of my overwhelming sense of contentment? It’s the deep peace of mind that comes from knowing that I have an incredible wife who supports me and loves me without boundaries. That’s the big secret. The key to my “how did I get so lucky?” feeling: happy wife, happy life.
When my wife, Jennifer, and I first got together, I knew that she was a woman I wanted to make happy. Rather than marvel at the many ways she delighted and excited me, counting the ways she would undoubtedly make my life better, it was instinctual for me to think about her happiness before my own. Novel concept, huh?
If you look at your relationship as a vehicle to happiness, ask yourself what kind of gas that vehicle takes. I’m not going to fill up my wife with octane fuel, but I do know what “fuel” makes her run. It’s all the little things that make her happy, which I am delighted to provide her with to ensure her happiness. AND, it really is easy to do.
For example, the other day when my wife had to work late, she came home exhausted, and was greeted by a meal I had cooked for her…and a clean kitchen to boot! I hadn’t cooked and cleaned to satisfy my needs or because it was what I wanted, I did it because I knew the gesture would express my support of her, and let her know how much she means to me.
I understand that our relationship works because it is not made up of two people, each selfishly seeking out their own happiness. It is a special collaboration by two people working together to nourish their relationship as a whole. Now, my wife never told me that I had to do anything to make her happy. I took that upon myself. I have learned that a primary reason for me to be in this relationship is to provide her with the love and support she requires (and, as it turns out, lots of chocolate). If I adhere to that purpose and fulfill that role consistently and whole-heartedly, the result is that my wife feels happy. She, in turn, showers me with all the love, affection, and support that I need. It’s such a simple concept, and yet so many people can’t grasp that the way to be happy is to put someone else’s happiness first.
Think of your relationship as an apple tree, and you and your mate are the caregivers of that tree. You each have responsibilities that are necessary to make that tree healthy, grow and flourish. Your responsibilities might be watering and tending to the soil, while your partner’s would be to provide it with nutrients and sunlight. Eventually the tree would bloom and be full of fruit. And guess who would get to eat that fruit? Both of you! Now, what kind of fruit do you think you’d partake of if one of you slacked off, thinking it was the other person’s job to take care of the plant all by themself? Sadly, a bunch of rotten apples is all that tree would bear.
A relationship requires the attention and diligence of each participant if it is to grow strong and healthy enough to satiate them both. If you want to experience the relationship you’ve been dreaming of, then ditch your self-serving attitudes and look to contribute GENEROUSLY to the relationship. Like the song goes, “The love you take is equal to the love you make.” So if you’re not getting what you need, try giving more to your partner…and watch it come back around, in the end.
