Dear Coach Jason,

I have been single for almost seven years now. I told myself after a horrific break-up that I would never date another guy again. I’ve kept true to my promise. I decided to throw myself into my career in advertising. I’ve been very successful in business and made a lot of money. Yet I’m not happy. I am now starting to think that what’s missing is a man. I have been fooling myself into thinking that I don’t want a relationship. My friends are tired of me griping about my life. They think I have it perfect which is not true at all. My life is far from perfect and I’m sick of them saying that it is.

So I’ve decided to start dating again. I’m very scared to meet people on the internet or go to singles/speed dating events. I really don’t know where to start. It’s all very overwhelming. Where do you think would be a good place for a successful forty-something woman to begin?

ANSWER

If you are unhappy right now it’s not because you “don’t have a man”. You’ve been hiding for seven years now because you felt that if you avoided men you’d be happy. You thought concentrating on your career would keep you happy. It hasn’t.

Happiness exists within you; not in the external world. Most people think that if they just have “blank” then they will finally be happy. I’m sure you’ve experienced this…you wanted something badly and when you finally got it you were happy…for a short time. Then your feelings of bliss faded and you moved onto the next thing to have that would make you happy. Right now the thing you’ve determined is a prerequisite for happiness is finding a man.

You don’t want to bring a man into your life if you aren’t balanced in all the areas of your life. If you were to start a relationship with anyone I am doubtful that it would bring you long lasting happiness and it would probably end in a not so pretty way.

Before re-entering the dating world I strongly suggest you look at your whole life and figure out where you are dissatisfied. Here are some areas to look at:

Family
Career
Fun/Recreation
Money
Friends
Health
Personal Growth
Physical Environment (your house, where you work, where you spend most of your time)

Now rate the level of satisfaction you have from 1 – 10 (1 being the least satisfied and 10 being absolute bliss). If you find any area of your life is below a 5 I strongly suggest you work on that area. If all of the areas of your life are above a 5 then you can start dating again. Once you do that then you’ll be ready to tackle this new age of dating with confidence and assurance.