Hey Jason,

I’m 27 and living in New York City. My girlfriend and I have been going out for four months. She’s always complaining about how her mother always makes her feel like crap by constantly criticizing. A few weeks ago we were at her parent’s house for dinner. As soon as we walk in the door her mother goes off about how my girlfriend’s dressed. I could tell it was upsetting her. I kept my mouth shut at first, but her mother kept on digging in. Then her mother starts in on me. I’m an atheist and her parents are Catholic, so it’s so obvious they don’t like me. Her mother kept making rude comments about how I should believe in something and that I’m not living my life right. Well, I couldn’t take it anymore and I started yelling at the bitch. I told her she was a nasty bitter old lady with nothing to do but bitch and moan. We went back and forth and it got loud. All of a sudden my girlfriend starts yelling at ME and then throws me out of the house! I don’t get it! I was standing up for her and myself! Since then I’ve called her and left messages, I’ve even sent her flowers, but she’s still not speaking to me. How do I win her back?

Completely Baffled in New York, NY

ANSWER

I get how frustrating girlfriend’s parents can be. Especially in the beginning when they don’t know you well. That being said… what the hell were you thinking?! You were rude, nasty and disrespectful to your ex-girlfriend’s parents. And trust me; she is your EX- now, so you can stop referring to her as your girlfriend. I’m actually surprised her father didn’t knock you out.

There is nothing wrong with defending yourself and the honor of your girlfriend, but screaming and calling her mother a “nasty bitter old lady” is petty and infantile. Of course your ex- is going to side with her mother. It doesn’t matter how much she complained about her. Almost all children complain about their parents. That doesn’t mean they don’t love them.

Your ex- brought you to her parent’s house for dinner because her parent’s approval of you was important. By behaving the way you did, you showed your true colors and gave your ex- a glimpse as to how you handle yourself in stressful situations. You blew it! Buying flowers is not going to win her back. I’m not even sure the damage is repairable. I suggest you stop calling your ex- and give her mother a call. You acted like an ass and you need to apologize for your horrific behavior. Don’t do it to win your ex- back, do it because it’s how mature adults handle themselves.

Yelling and calling people names doesn’t do anything but cause further problems. I guarantee that your loss of control is not an isolated incident. I suggest you sign up for an anger management and/or communication course. If you don’t learn how to diffuse situations in a productive manner you will never stand a chance of having a successful relationship.