As cave people our needs were simple. We slept, hunted, ate, pooped and had sex (not necessarily in that order). Life wasn’t too confusing. Sexual attraction was an innate instinct, imperative for the survival and propagation of our species. We weren’t concerned about having fulfilling relationships; all we cared about was survival and self-preservation.

Now over fifty thousand years later, we have evolved, for better or for worse, into a complex race. We have art, literature, science, and an infinite selection of choices, possibilities, and direction in which we can wander. Instead of risking our lives to hunt and gather, we just head to the grocery store and whip out our credit card at the checkout. While we sleep, our biggest concern is room temperature, not becoming a snack for a ferocious saber tooth beast.

Yet, when it comes to intimate relationships we tend to slide back into our Neolithic way of thinking: Survival Mode. We don’t contemplate the creation and cultivation of a healthy relationship; most of us don’t even know what that means! Instead we look to answer our basic needs; we put on our sexiest hunting outfits and troll the bars and clubs – anywhere we might find the one who will give us the most satisfaction and pleasure. Perhaps the prospect of getting hurt is so scary that we hide from it, seeking shelter from the possible pain that comes with any relationship. But that lone wolf, “Every man for himself!” concept is the Neanderthal way of thinking. It has no place in today’s world, and will not serve the modern human in their pursuit to develop a mutually satisfying relationship.

Our ongoing evolution will be aided by understanding that being in a relationship is not about what the other person can give you. A healthy relationship is about two people who have complimentary core values getting together to achieve common life goals. When I met my wife it was clear that she and I shared the same core values like kindness, honesty and being a contribution to others. We also shared the same life goals: raising children, building wealth, owning a home, vacationing, to name a few.

My wife and I are clear on what our roles are within the relationship, and we are diligent about being 100% responsible in those roles. That’s right, this is no “50/50” proposition. I’m 100% responsible and she’s 100% responsible. We are each concerned with fulfilling 100% of the needs of the relationship, not just our own individual needs. Being in a relationship has to be about letting go of the identity of “I” in order to create the healthy relationship of “Us.”

So, before you go out looking for any potential mates, ask yourself these questions:

What do I have to offer a relationship?
What are my core values?
What are my needs?
What life goals am I looking to achieve?

If you take the time to contemplate these basic questions, you’ll go a long way to separate yourself from the usual pack of knuckle-draggers, and distinguish yourself as an evolved human with whom anyone would be lucky to share their cave.