Once Bitten Twice Shy

Hey Coach Jason, (male – mid-twenties)

About a year ago I was turned down by a coworker at work. I thought she liked me, but when I asked her out she said we were just friends and then she giggled. Later that day I overheard her talking with another woman by the kitchen and she was telling her that I asked her out and that she would never date a guy as short as I am.

She then started dating this real loser from the IT department. The guy was so stupid. He found out I like her and he actually came over to me one day and said, “She’s with me loser, so you better stop staring!”

Just the other day she came over to me. I had heard she broke up with the IT guy. She asked me if I still liked her and if I wanted to go for drinks after work. I looked at her and said “I am busy. Bye.” and I walked away. I so wanted to say yes, but I didn’t know if she was serious or just being mean like before. Did I act too quickly or should I just have said yes?

ANSWER

I don’t think she’s pulling your leg, but if there’s any chance she was then it would speak volumes about her and say nothing about you. But like I said, I doubt it. But before you decide to ask this woman out ask yourself this one question: Does this woman inspire me to be a better man?

The woman you pursue should bring out your best qualities. She should be someone who continually supports you and helps you grow. It’s possible that this woman gained enlightenment over the past year. Perhaps she learned something from her previous relationship that had her realize you were the type of man she should be dating. That’s only something that can be answered by having a conversation with her.

There is also the possibility that she hasn’t changed. If that’s the case you might end up getting your feelings hurt. You want to be aware of the fact that she gossiped about you behind your back once before and she could do it again.

Getting hurt is just the natural response humans have when they are let down. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt. Just make sure that whatever happens you learn as much as possible. Sometimes in order to have a breakthrough we have to have breakdowns. If you think she has the potential to light you up and help you grow then I say it’s worth taking a risk and having a conversation with her over drinks.

About North Star Coaching

This country has a divorce rate of about 50%. As hard as it might seem to get into a good relationship, trust me, it’s harder to get out of a bad one. That’s why what I do is so important. I am dedicated to helping women get it right the first time. You’re here because you want to have a better life through a strong, loving relationship. Coach with me and I will show you the way.

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