If you’ve been “out there” for a while then you probably realized how frustrating the dating world can be. There are an overwhelming amount of articles and books that tell you how you should go about dating, and you’ve even tried some of these rules out. But you’re still alone. You might have even looked to romantic films to give you a few pearls of wisdom. Yet with all of this advice floating around, you’re still single and wondering how anyone ever finds the person they are meant to be with.

Here are some of the ridiculous dating rules that I’ve collected over the years from clients:

1. Don’t call him after the first date. Make him call you.
2. If he calls, wait two days to call him back.
3. Keep the phone conversation to less than ten minutes and make sure you are the one to end it.
4. Don’t show him you’re interested or you will scare him off.
5. Don’t go out with him more than once a week for the first five months.
6. Be mysterious and keep him guessing.
7. Don’t accept a Saturday date after Wednesday.

I can go on and on and list tons of rules that people have invented and professed as the keys to finding and keeping a man, but the truth is there is no universal handbook with strict guidelines that will effectively lead you through the murky waters of dating. These rules are simply about playing mind games and if you are playing games with him, you are guaranteed that he will play some games of his own with you. Relationships are about being honest and open. If you want to build a solid foundation for everlasting love, you need to stop playing games and get real.

You are not a drone; you are a complex human with your own unique set of values. So wouldn’t it make sense that you should create your own rules based on your own values to guide you to the right man?

The answers to the following questions should help you come up with a few personal dating rules that make sense for you:

1. What values do I have? What values should I seek in my future soul mate? (kindness, love, courage, respect, integrity, boldness, adventure, …etc)
2. What would make me feel secure in a relationship?
3. How do I want to feel after I am intimate with a man? What relationship ingredients must be present in order for me to feel this way?
4. What kind of relationship do I want? (straight-forward, honest, warm, loving).
5. How do I want to be treated in a relationship?

Once you’ve answered these questions you can start making up your own rules. For example, if you answered question one with the value of kindness, then you can make up a rule such as, “The person I will be with must be kind”. So if he’s making fun of people, you might want to end the date early.

If you answered question number three by stating you want to feel loved, comforted, secure, respected and tingly, then you can make a rule up like, “In order to be intimate with a man I must feel protected, loved and excited to be with him”. So if he is playing games and you keep wondering whether or not he’ll call, you might want to keep the bed on ice until someone worthy of being with you comes along.

You get the idea! Now go have fun with making your list of rules and create your own “Guidebook to Love”!